Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
