Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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