You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
