Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
