TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
