just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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