There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
