dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
literally had 100 drinks last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
