4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
