Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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