the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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