I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
