didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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