oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
