life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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