oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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