apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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