i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
