Jerry, you need to find god
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
