am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
