Buhtt sex?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
