the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
