I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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