he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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