She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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