This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
