You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
