"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
whose parrot is this?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
