Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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