Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
