Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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