I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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