just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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