For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
