sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
