That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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