hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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