I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
