He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
