i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
