He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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