are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
