I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
