I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
