shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
