I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
