atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
