she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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