We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
