Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
